Spa Night Can Get Ugly Sometimes

Good morning everyone!! I thought I would regale you with this lovely picture of me getting my skin prettied.  Although it was more fun to plaster that mint mask on and go horrify children with it.  That thing is really freaking ugly isn't it?  LOL. 

Huge thumbs up to Vikki Kicklighter (who has the coolest name ever)  that gave me that awesome Just Married tank top there.  I wear it every night almost.  It makes my chestal area look huger than it is.  I really appreciate that.  David wont let me wear it out though because it sends mixed messages.  LOL.

What am I excited about this week?  Well let me just tell you.   Adam Levine is what.  I am going to Maroon 5 this weekend with my friends Tami and Sean and we have the rock star seats right up front.  T Minus 7 days!! Can't wait can't wait can't waiiittt!!!

Oh, and there's also that Kings of Leon / Band of Horses thing on Friday the 5th.  I hope I can rally enough energy for both shows. 

Do you guys ever fantasize about your favorite musician, artist, celebrity, whatever will make eye contact with you and bring you on stage so that you feel validated for being their very best, most special fan?  Well, I think something is wrong with me because while I am a big Adam Levine fan, I basically would just want to be noticed because it's like Awesomeness Bingo.  I get damn determined to meet a performer or get backstage and I usually succeed but the rules are this: No cleavage showing.  No acting slutty. No telling lies.

Adam Levine is off limits because he's my celebrity cheat.  Do you play that game with your spouse?  It's not really a game as much as it is a complex builder.  David likes Kate Beckinsale so we don't watch Kate Beckinsale movies.  She's really hot and I can't focus on the movie because I'm afraid Kate is arousing my beloved.  And then I'd get really mad and go dye my hair brown or something .  LOL . (that's not really what happened, swearsies but it's funny cuz I'd totally think about it) Poor David though, I actually might be able to worm my way backstage because Im good at that.  So, for that reason, I am not whipping out a press pass or acting like I'm a somebody.  Tuesday, I will just be Shannon and I will need to find a way to balance complete excitement with total disinterest.  I wish Adam would gain a potbelly and then I could just say he's not amazing anymore.

He's not as amazing as my lovely husband.  I'd never cheat, but Adam is the only celebrity that makes me feel love tingles.  Justin Furstenfeld is brilliant to me, and I am emotionally invested in Blue October, but Adam tickles my heart with his lyrics.

Anyway my son is watching Titanic again and I got sucked into the drama of the ship sinking.  I hold my breath when Jack and Rose do every time.  And now my thought process is derailed and I am oxygen dificient.  I fear this is the end of this posting.

RSVP - - or ELSE!!!

HOW TO AVOID THIS
I never realized how important an RSVP card is to a bride-to-be until I became one.  Realizing that I myself could not remember sending back an RSVP card (I usually lose them with the rest of the mail), I had the feeling that other people could very easily underestimate its importance as well.

First of all, you need to include postage on the reply envelope.  That is the most polite but obvious way to get the card back.  People will feel obligated because you've invested in the postage.  Of course, they may not be mindful of the thousand dollars you just spent on custom, letterpress invitations with matching envelopes. They're going to think they're beautiful, but people don't seem to grasp the cost of invitations in bulk.  They see dollars and cents. Literally. So if you've got a stamp sitting there, most people are going to feel obligated to send it back just because it's a waste of a stamp if they don't. 

The RSVP card needs to have a deadline on it, and it should be easy to remember, like the first or the fifteenth.  Sort of like a billing cycle, they're likely to remember the beginning, end, or middle of the month.  That way, God forbid , if they do lose the card, they can remember generally when they need to notify you.  In that case, I also suggest that you get about 10 extras printed per 100 guests.  If a guest calls or emails you to let you know yay or nay, you can fill out a card for them and put it in your stack. This keeps them all in one place so that you can just keep track of one pile.  I would also back that pile up on a computer in case it gets lost because I'm pretty sure you'd be screwed if it did. Can't help you there.

Introduction

First, I would like to congratulate you on your engagement. You must be extremely excited, yet freaking out.  I know I was. Every time.  Now, I'm no psycological expert, but I do know about getting married, because I've done it three times.  I'm not joking.  I kind of wish I were, but if I weren't then I suppose you wouldn't be reading this right now. If you're reading this, then I'm feeling validated for writing it, so everyone is walking away a winner. Congratulations to both of us are in order!

If you picked up this book because you're a control freak who doesn't want to be a psycho bride, I'm pretty sure that I'm writing this just for you.  Of course, I'm really excited if you're reading this because the title made you laugh, but those trying to control everything become the biggest bitches when things get out of control.  Therefore, I feel they will probably benefit the most from what I have to say.

My objective is to guide you through the wedding planning process using my experiences yet not telling you what to do.  Each bride is different, and deserves her very special day to go just as planned.  Unfortunately, the  likelihood that something is going to go wrong is pretty high, and if you have an inner bitch, she's going to show up...whether you invited her or not.